Monthly Archives: November 2010

What Your Child’s Facebook Addiction Says About Your Parenting Style

Posted on by

Drugs, unprotected sex, drinking, bullying, smoking — the list of parental worries often seems endless. And just when you think you have all the potential problem areas covered, your child or teen suddenly seems “addicted” to Facebook and other online social media sites. Is that even possible?

According to psychologist Kimberly S. Young, Ph.D. of the Center for Online Addiction, teen Internet addiction is becoming a growing problem. While there aren’t any hard numbers to indicate just how many teenagers are becoming addicted to the Internet, Young estimates that five to 10 percent of Internet surfers suffer from some degree of Internet addiction.

Additionally, a recent Canadian study involving more than 5,000 children and teenagers revealed that 70 percent of parents know little or nothing about their kids’ online activities. The study, which was conducted by the Ottawa, Ontario-based Media Awareness Network, also found that 70 percent of 13- and 14-year-olds admit to visiting private and adults-only chatrooms. What’s more, most of these teenagers freely admitted that they were breaking family rules by visiting these chatrooms.

Another study from York University in Canada claims that Facebook users are “insecure, narcissistic, and have low self-esteem.” So, does your child’s Facebook habit mean you’re a bad parent? No. But it does mean you have to establish some new rules and household routines. Here are a few things to consider:

1) Facebook Shouldn’t Become a Surrogate For Real Friendships and Activities

Everyone needs face time with other people, not just screen time. Physical presence with others promotes deeper connection, and all people need to be touched, hugged and attended to. Therefore, just as you likely have rules about TV time and phone time, you also need a rule about Internet time.

Of course, kids today need to be online for school projects and learning opportunities. The problem is when parents automatically assume their children are online for educational purposes and don’t question the child’s real Internet use. Realize that it’s easy to look busy at the computer, as if serious learning were taking place (just think how often you “look busy” at work when the boss walks by). That’s why parents need to take a sincere interest in what their kids are doing online, beyond installing Internet monitoring software.

This is about talking with your kids, learning about their school projects and friends, and asking them thought-provoking questions about their day. For example, rather than simply asking, “How was your day at school?” (which typically elicits the response, “Fine”), ask something like, “What was your favorite part of today?” or, “What three new things did you learn today?” Such questions prompt more than a one-word answer and help you build connection with your child.

2) Help Your Child Uncover His or Her Passion

Everyone needs a purpose in life; your children are no different. If you want your children to limit their Facebook time (or time on other social media sites), you have to help them find an alternative. Simply saying, “Don’t go on Facebook so much,” won’t prompt any change in behavior, as your children won’t have any other activity to do that engages them. Therefore, as you start talking with your child more, probe to uncover his or her likes and dislikes.

There are so many things kids can get involved in these days, from sports to dance to groups of specialized interests. There are also numerous volunteer options, such as with a local humane society, senior center, library, museum or non-profit organization. Essentially, no matter what interests your child, chances are there’s some way for your child to put that interest to good use.

When kids have a passion for something, Facebook and other social media sites will no longer seem important. Rather, they’ll have a bigger desire to fuel their passion. And if their passion is something you or another sibling or friend can get involved in, too, that will make the transition to the new activity even easier.

3) Teach Your Children How to Use Facebook

One of the challenges with social networking sites is that they subtly teach children to commoditize relationships. In a child’s mind, if someone has 4,000 Facebook friends and the child only has 400, it means that the other person is more valued. That’s the kind of lazy logic that creeps into many kids’ thinking.

To combat this type of thinking, ask your kids, “How many of your Facebook friends actually contribute to your life? How do these friends add value to you? What do you know about these people other than what they post on Facebook?”

Additionally, teach your children how to use Facebook responsibly. For kids, Facebook is a way to talk about homework and common interests with peers, and a way to keep extended family updated about daily happenings. For example, if your child gets the lead in the school play, makes the varsity team or gets all As, that’s information worth posting on Facebook, as it eliminates the need to call and tell everyone the good news.

However, if your child is friending people they don’t know, that’s when Facebook becomes dangerous and opens the door to cyber-bullying, bad influences, and unforeseen dangers. Help your child realize that for their purposes, Facebook is not for meeting strangers around the world. They need to keep their network to known friends and family only.

4) Take a Proactive Approach to Facebook

Remember that Facebook can become catnip for attention-starved kids. Sadly, there are some kids who are basically raising themselves. They have no structure, no discipline and no one to give them the healthy attention every child craves and needs. Facebook can feed into this hunger for attention by incentivizing kids to “act out,” post provocative pictures of themselves, or post shocking statements that can boomerang back on them and hurt their future.

Therefore, even if you’re not on Facebook or think it’s nothing more than a dumb waste of time, you can’t ignore Facebook or social media any longer. Your kids are using it whether you approve or not. That’s why you have to educate yourself about social media and be proactive in terms of how your children use Facebook. By getting involved in all aspects of your child’s life, including their cyber life, you can teach them how to use Facebook responsibly and instill in them a true passion worth pursuing.

Originally published by the Huffington Post

Improve the World (and Yourself) One Grateful Child at a Time

Posted on by

Imagine leaving every creature comfort you have to embark on life in a developing country, dedicating yourself to helping the poorest of the poor — the forgotten children of that nation. Imagine saying good-bye to your big house, luxury car, designer clothes, and technological gadgets so you can live among the impoverished. That’s exactly what one person did, and he’s never regretted his decision.

Scott Neeson left his job as an executive of a movie studio to open an orphanage in Cambodia. Before doing so he took a trip to Cambodia and was blown away by the conditions the orphans there live in. With no food, shelter, or parental supervision, these children fend for themselves on the dirty streets, doing everything from digging through trash for recyclables to resorting to prostitution just to survive. Scott knew he had to do something to help as many children as possible.

So he started Cambodia Children’s Fund (CCF) and opened an orphanage where he takes in children who have nowhere else to go and gives them the one thing they need the most: hope.

Since opening the orphanage, Scott has learned one key lesson — when you give you get. And many people, both his friends and strangers, have visited his orphanage to spend a week or two helping out, trying to make the children’s lives a little better. Some may ask, “Why would you spend your free time going to a developing country and staying in a dirty place with kids with diseases and emotional issues?”

Realize that when you go — or do anything else selfless for another — you receive so much in return. Taking a few weeks and giving of yourself is so much more rewarding than sitting on a beach with an umbrella drink. Yes, when you give you get — meaning you get a lifetime experience and event you’ll cherish forever, not just another moment in time you’ll forget. And while this concept applies to any kind of giving act, from rescuing abused animals to cleaning a beach to helping a local senior citizen, when you’re helping children you’re helping the future. When you rescue one child you’re really rescuing a part of yourself. You see in that child the incompleteness of your childhood and the hurts you endured, and you start to heal.

So ask yourself this key question: What do you see in your life that you really want to do that is important? Do you want to help children in a foreign land? Do you want to tutor youth in your own neighborhood? Do you want to give a young unwed mother a chance at a better future for herself and her child? Whatever it is that touches your soul, that’s where you need to start.

Unfortunately, many people never get past the dreaming phase. They feel deep down that they’d like to help, but they never take that first step. They get that uneasy feeling that they’re stepping out of their comfort zone and into something they possibly can’t handle — physically, emotionally, or mentally. But in fact, when you see how other people live, you gain a greater appreciation for your life. You also gain a closer relationship yourself. You tap into a part of yourself that you never met. Since you’re not put in these situations every day, these are learning lessons that are hard to come by, but completely life changing.

If you feel ready to take the plunge and follow your soul’s calling to help another, here are some principles that will help.

Prepare by reading and researching the work of others: Chances are you’re not the first person to have this idea or this desire to help. Therefore, do some research into what you’re about to embark upon and see what others have done already. Read articles written by and about them, scour their websites for information and encouragement, and glean whatever words of wisdom or preparation you can. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. If someone has found resources, discovered success tips, or gained years of experience to share, then there’s no reason why you can’t follow in that person’s footsteps. Learn from them to make your intended path easier… and more enjoyable.

Travel or work with a humanitarian group: Whether your calling takes you overseas, to another state, or simply into the inner city of your locale, you can find some humanitarian group that can help you. These groups have ties and often resources in the area already and can make embarking on your journey less scary. There’s safety in numbers, and you can lean on your fellow humanitarian group members for support when you feel overwhelmed. Of course, you can do whatever you want on your own as well. You don’t need to work with a group. But if you have reservations, a humanitarian group will help buffer you by acting as a support system to help quench your fears. You can find these groups online very easily. If doing something like Scott appeals to you, go to www.whispersfoundation.com to find humanitarian groups that travel to help children overseas.

Just do it and the fear will diminish: The old saying, “Just do it,” is so appropriate here. In 99 percent of people, any fear they have subsides the minute they take the first step and just do it. There’s comfort in doing, because doing something – any small step at all – distracts your mind from any fears you may have. And that first step builds momentum that will see you through the remaining steps. Just as physics tells us that a body in motion stays in motion, a person in action toward a worthwhile goal or cause stays in action. So do whatever first step is necessary — do research, make a phone call, buy a plane ticket, etc. Take that first step and the rest will come naturally.

Change the World, Change Yourself: Helping children is one way to make a huge difference in the world. It’s also a way to dramatically change yourself. Realize that you don’t have to uproot your entire life like Scott did to make a difference. Simply giving a few days or a few weeks of your time to help someone else will create tremendous change — both in the people you help as well as your own soul. As with many things in life, it’s the small things that add up to incredible transformation. So listen to that little voice telling you to do something and follow your calling. You’ll be glad you did.

Originally published by the Huffington Post