Everyone, regardless of gender, fears something. And fear is completely normal. It’s a powerful and primitive human emotion that helps protect us from danger. But while our ancestors feared such things as being eaten by large and ferocious animals, people today have fears that are more about internal issues rather than external dangers. Continue reading
Category Archives: Relationships Redefined
How to Be Liked Instantly
It’s been said that everyone can light up a room — some when they enter, and others when they leave. Which type of person are you?
Have you ever wondered why certain people can walk into a room and light up the atmosphere with their presence? Continue reading
What Your Child’s Facebook Addiction Says About Your Parenting Style
Drugs, unprotected sex, drinking, bullying, smoking — the list of parental worries often seems endless. And just when you think you have all the potential problem areas covered, your child or teen suddenly seems “addicted” to Facebook and other online social media sites. Is that even possible?
According to psychologist Kimberly S. Young, Ph.D. of the Center for Online Addiction, teen Internet addiction is becoming a growing problem. While there aren’t any hard numbers to indicate just how many teenagers are becoming addicted to the Internet, Young estimates that five to 10 percent of Internet surfers suffer from some degree of Internet addiction.
Additionally, a recent Canadian study involving more than 5,000 children and teenagers revealed that 70 percent of parents know little or nothing about their kids’ online activities. The study, which was conducted by the Ottawa, Ontario-based Media Awareness Network, also found that 70 percent of 13- and 14-year-olds admit to visiting private and adults-only chatrooms. What’s more, most of these teenagers freely admitted that they were breaking family rules by visiting these chatrooms.
Another study from York University in Canada claims that Facebook users are “insecure, narcissistic, and have low self-esteem.” So, does your child’s Facebook habit mean you’re a bad parent? No. But it does mean you have to establish some new rules and household routines. Here are a few things to consider:
1) Facebook Shouldn’t Become a Surrogate For Real Friendships and Activities
Everyone needs face time with other people, not just screen time. Physical presence with others promotes deeper connection, and all people need to be touched, hugged and attended to. Therefore, just as you likely have rules about TV time and phone time, you also need a rule about Internet time.
Of course, kids today need to be online for school projects and learning opportunities. The problem is when parents automatically assume their children are online for educational purposes and don’t question the child’s real Internet use. Realize that it’s easy to look busy at the computer, as if serious learning were taking place (just think how often you “look busy” at work when the boss walks by). That’s why parents need to take a sincere interest in what their kids are doing online, beyond installing Internet monitoring software.
This is about talking with your kids, learning about their school projects and friends, and asking them thought-provoking questions about their day. For example, rather than simply asking, “How was your day at school?” (which typically elicits the response, “Fine”), ask something like, “What was your favorite part of today?” or, “What three new things did you learn today?” Such questions prompt more than a one-word answer and help you build connection with your child.
2) Help Your Child Uncover His or Her Passion
Everyone needs a purpose in life; your children are no different. If you want your children to limit their Facebook time (or time on other social media sites), you have to help them find an alternative. Simply saying, “Don’t go on Facebook so much,” won’t prompt any change in behavior, as your children won’t have any other activity to do that engages them. Therefore, as you start talking with your child more, probe to uncover his or her likes and dislikes.
There are so many things kids can get involved in these days, from sports to dance to groups of specialized interests. There are also numerous volunteer options, such as with a local humane society, senior center, library, museum or non-profit organization. Essentially, no matter what interests your child, chances are there’s some way for your child to put that interest to good use.
When kids have a passion for something, Facebook and other social media sites will no longer seem important. Rather, they’ll have a bigger desire to fuel their passion. And if their passion is something you or another sibling or friend can get involved in, too, that will make the transition to the new activity even easier.
3) Teach Your Children How to Use Facebook
One of the challenges with social networking sites is that they subtly teach children to commoditize relationships. In a child’s mind, if someone has 4,000 Facebook friends and the child only has 400, it means that the other person is more valued. That’s the kind of lazy logic that creeps into many kids’ thinking.
To combat this type of thinking, ask your kids, “How many of your Facebook friends actually contribute to your life? How do these friends add value to you? What do you know about these people other than what they post on Facebook?”
Additionally, teach your children how to use Facebook responsibly. For kids, Facebook is a way to talk about homework and common interests with peers, and a way to keep extended family updated about daily happenings. For example, if your child gets the lead in the school play, makes the varsity team or gets all As, that’s information worth posting on Facebook, as it eliminates the need to call and tell everyone the good news.
However, if your child is friending people they don’t know, that’s when Facebook becomes dangerous and opens the door to cyber-bullying, bad influences, and unforeseen dangers. Help your child realize that for their purposes, Facebook is not for meeting strangers around the world. They need to keep their network to known friends and family only.
4) Take a Proactive Approach to Facebook
Remember that Facebook can become catnip for attention-starved kids. Sadly, there are some kids who are basically raising themselves. They have no structure, no discipline and no one to give them the healthy attention every child craves and needs. Facebook can feed into this hunger for attention by incentivizing kids to “act out,” post provocative pictures of themselves, or post shocking statements that can boomerang back on them and hurt their future.
Therefore, even if you’re not on Facebook or think it’s nothing more than a dumb waste of time, you can’t ignore Facebook or social media any longer. Your kids are using it whether you approve or not. That’s why you have to educate yourself about social media and be proactive in terms of how your children use Facebook. By getting involved in all aspects of your child’s life, including their cyber life, you can teach them how to use Facebook responsibly and instill in them a true passion worth pursuing.
Originally published by the Huffington Post
Get Real: Unmasking the 8 Imposters That Hinder Your Success
Have you ever wondered why your life is the way it is? Why certain challenges constantly plague you? Why you make certain decisions in the midst of stress? Why you attract certain people in your life? The answer may lie in the impostor that resides within you.
We all have an impostor or two (or three) that controls us. The impostor personality consists of the fears, old beliefs and habits that prevent you from achieving your highest personal and professional success. When you’re not under stress or people aren’t “pushing your buttons,” your impostor may be dormant or minimally apparent. However, once a challenge arises or someone provokes you, the impostor often controls your reaction … and usually in negative ways. That’s why so many people make poor choices during times of stress and often face the same scenario repeatedly — their impostor leads them there.
While you can’t eliminate the impostor from your life (it’s part of your personality), you can be aware of it and minimize its effects on you. That way, when you’re under stress you can identify the impostor’s response and take control of it rather than have it control you. When that occurs, you’ll be operating from your authentic self and can realize your greatest potential despite the current situation.
Following are the eight impostor personalities and how they manifest in people. Determine which sound the most like you so you can take the first steps toward your authentic self.
• The Clown
Often, the Clown stems from someone who didn’t feel seen or heard as a child. As a result, they try to make light of things to get attention. They are often scared of disappointment, avoid deep intimacy and crave approval. Because of their light-hearted approach to life, they usually don’t give proper maturity to discussions that demand maturity, which usually works against them. Their focus is on being liked rather than being real.
• The Counselor
The Counselor results from an emotional pain that someone has been masking for a long time. They pretend the hurt doesn’t exist in their own life, and instead they study it and want to help others deal with it. As a result, they often approach love and life as a clinical experience and not as a real and emotionally driven journey. They’re great at telling everyone else what to do but they can’t seem to get their own life together. They tend to be emotionally distant and view matters of love and life as puzzles to be solved rather than as experiences of the heart.
• The Fixer
The Fixer is very similar to the Counselor in that the person wants to help others. But while the Counselor often goes the professional, academic route, the Fixer is more like a gossipy interloper. They like to surround themselves with people who need a lot of help, and they feel wounded or slighted when those in their life don’t seek them out for advice. Their sense of self-worth and identity both stem from their desire to help others. However, when they do “help,” they usually brag about it, leaving the person they helped feeling exposed.
• The Narcissist
The Narcissist occurs when someone grew up in a household where other siblings received more attention, perhaps because the sibling was often sick or in trouble. Narcissists feel that the focus was always on someone else, so now it’s their turn to have the spotlight. They often disassociate from their own flaws and are intense people. Their singular goal is for perfection. They are often hypercritical of others and believe that other people are beneath them in both ability and talent. People typically view narcissists as strong, unique, willful and in charge.
• The Philosopher
The Philosopher usually grew up in a household where they used their smarts or creativity to get away with things. Now as an adult, they are arrogant and think that it’s acceptable to treat others rudely. They immerse themselves in such topics as arts, politics, literature and religion. They enjoy staying on top of current events and are opinionated to the point of being intellectually arrogant. They enjoy spending long periods of time alone so they can work on their art or intellectual property, and then they come back to the world to share their creation, expecting praise and adoration.
• The Wounded Inner Child
The Wounded Inner Child is dealing with some sort of abandonment issue from childhood. This could be actual physical abandonment or simply an emotional detachment from loved ones. As adults, these people are always seeking to get love and approval and may feel slighted over the smallest act. They typically appear clingy and they have a desire to always be rescued. The Wounded Inner Child craves stability and is likely to throw a tantrum or pout when things don’t go their way.
• The Sex God or Goddess
The Sex God or Goddess never learned to value themselves for what they have to offer. Many have been sexually abused as children. As a result, they think sex is the only way to get that deep love and attention they crave. They often jump from relationship to relationship and don’t have the strength or self-confidence to build long lasting ties with others. While they act in ways that they think will bring them love, attention and approval, in reality others usually mock them behind their back. The Sex God or Goddess may seem charming on the outside, but on the inside, he or she typically suffers from very low self-esteem.
• The Overthinker
The Overthinker is someone who is very scared of the future and who doesn’t believe in themselves. As a child, they were often told that they weren’t good enough or smart enough. As a result, they believe they are only worth what they contribute, meaning they won’t speak up unless they believe they can show others they are smart or interesting. They often overthink things and don’t know how to make a decision. Their default action is to not make decisions, so their life is usually stalled.
Blaze Your Soul — Take Control
Everyone has a king or queen impostor that rules them. Some people even have all eight impostors to some degree, but there’s always one that’s heightened and dominant.
So how can people minimize the impostor? That’s where a unique form of coaching called Soul Blazing comes in. Soul Blazing helps you release your feelings of self-hatred and fear and replace them with self-love, gratitude, inspiration and intention. It helps you become aware of the impostor that’s driving you so you can recognize the ways in which the impostor manifests itself in you.
By recognizing your impostor and taking steps to control it, you can start living life from your authentic self. When issues come up, you can handle them from a rational perspective rather than be reactionary. Ultimately, when you understand how your impostor rules your life, you can regain control, live life on your terms, and achieve anything your soul desires.
Originally published by the Huffington Post
