Is It Okay to Hook Up With Your Ex?
Often times in life, we are torn between our emotions and the feelings we have towards other individuals. When we breakup with someone, we are then faced with a series of questions. Are we done for good? Will we get back together eventually? Is that what I even want? Separating from someone you were once close with is hard. It’s not always cut and dry, and it can be easy to get into a situation where you have to decide whether to hook up with your ex or not.
Under what circumstances is it a good idea to hook up with your ex?
Celebrity life coach Lisa Haisha weighs in, saying, “If you have a child together and you think there is hope of rekindling the old flame, then do it. Also, if you ended on bad terms, if might be a good idea to heal those wounds and have another hook-up and talk rationally with each other, it’s okay to pursue things again.” In other words, if there is hope for a brighter future, then give it a shot if it’s what both parties involved want. If there is no hope of getting back together, don’t bother because it will only lead to more hurt.
Suzanne Casamento, founder of Fantasy Dating, believes that hooking up with your ex is never a good idea. She warns about future hurt if you hook up with an ex and explains, “Even the most mind-blowing sex is not going to bring your ex back. It’s only going to make you crazy. You’ll feel like you’ve reconnected when you really haven’t, like you have some sort of claim on that person when you don’t. All sex with your ex does is prolong the breakup misery.” Plus, you have to remember that you can’t meet someone new if you don’t let go of someone in your past. Casemento adds, “If you’re still sexually connected to your ex, how will you make space for your future?”
If you want to hook up with your ex, should you wait a certain amount of time after your breakup or dive back in?
According to Haisha, it depends on what you want. “If you still have feelings for that person, but you know they’re wrong for you, then wait a bit,” she says. “If you don’t have deep feelings and can’t get hurt and neither can your ex, then dive back in.” Either way, make sure you’re on the same page before you move forward.
What are some possible precautions to take?
While it’s tempting to consider only the pros of hooking up with your ex, it’s important to look at the cons too. “You or your ex’s heart could get broken, or it can prevent you from moving forward in another healthier relationship,” Haisha shares. “They say that you need at least six months of not having sex with your ex before you can truly move on and start fresh without bringing in old baggage.”
How do you avoid the pitfalls?
“Be careful and have conscious communication with yourself and with your ex,” says Haisha. “If you both understand what you’re doing from your higher, evolved selves, you should be okay. If you’re needy, inner child wants to act out, it can be an unhealthy choice.”
At the end of the day, it’s like anything else: The choice about whether to hook up with your ex is entirely up to you. As Jason Weberman, a certified dating and relationship expert, says, “You’re not alive unless you’re taking risks!” Do what makes you happy and what you feel is right.